My Brother Jefferson

My brother Jefferson likes to leave mean comments on my blog under his wifes name. This is the same brother who turned the light off and closed the door to the bathroom while yelling "A WITCH IS COMING THROUGH THE WINDOW". Scaring the crap out of a six year old, well maybe I was nine, but who's cares. He is the same brother who has mocked me for years for saying "girls can't be sissies, they already are". This brother used to make fun of me when I cried in sad movies. This is the brother who threatened to beat up boys if they laid a finger on me. He made me laugh when I was sad, and sang me made up songs to make our work go quicker. Not that I always loved the songs, but I would appreciate the lyrics to the alien song please. This brother and I are 18 months apart. I was an accident, but really I think I just wanted to be best friends with this brother. He had made me angrier than probably anyone else in the world, but I still like him. Most of the time.

What makes you feel alive

Summer evenings, when the kids normally would be in bed but we are jumping on the trampoline and it is twilight. That makes me feel alive.

When I get some good one on one time with my kids and I see them, really see them and feel that love I have for them. That makes me feel alive.

When I have a good conversation with a friend, when it gets a little deeper than the surface, when you feel like you have shared a piece of yourself. That also makes me feel alive.

Today we played at the park and played a card game, we went to the farmers market and saw a friends recital. I was looking for the moments when I felt that excitement and happiness that life brings. I caught glimpses, but only because I was looking for them. I love the world my Heavenly Father has blessed me with. It is good. I want to see those things so I can thank him for them, I want to see those things so that I don't let good opportunities pass by. When I have these feelings I wonder how much longer I will live? My mom found her breast cancer when she was 35. It makes Shay really nervous. Hopefully I will live a long time.

Mom on the Run

The last month or so has been super busy, but when people ask me what I have been doing, my mind is blank. I know I have been doing good things, but what they are, I am not sure. My biggest concern is making sure they are the right things. That I am not wasting these precious years where my children love, like and somewhat listen to me, for fleeting things like TV shows. To make sure I am teaching them and not controlling them. To make sure they understand their purpose on this earth.
My mother died when my brother was young and he seems to have gotten lost. I want my kids to have a strong sense of who they are so that if something happens to me, they will never be lost. Am I praying with them, even when I am tired? Do I tell them the stories of Jesus as well as Book of Mormon stories? Do I teach them to do what is right even when it is hard and do they understand that every decision has a consequence?
I want to be busy, it comes with having five kids, but only on the right things. I want to lead my children by example and show them the only way back home is through the Savior Jesus Christ. I want them to know that repentance feels good, its the sin that hurts. I want them to serve our Heavenly Father with everything they are. I want them to forgive and understand that trials can help us home if we turn towards heaven, not away.
As Mothers Day approaches, I hope we will evaluate what kind of mothers we are. Make the changes that will help us be better tomorrow. One change could make all the difference in our children's lives. If we do this we will be blessed and so will our children. Love you ladies and
Happy Mothers Day!