Christmas when I was a kid

I remember when I was really little and Santa coming. It was magical. The presents and candy. I loved to sleep under the lights on the Christmas tree and dream of wonderful things. Life was so simple and good. I remember crayons and bikes. Those were Christmas' out of the books. Then I got a little older. My parents got divorced and Christmas for us changed dramatically.

I lost the magic or the magic was lost on me. Christmas wasn't like it used to be. My dad usually would buy us something and pack us in the car and drive us 6 hours to drop us off with our Mom. It always bothered me that my Daddy was alone for Christmas. I would try to get him stuff or hide notes of Merry Christmas around the trailer for him to find. I couldn't understand why he did all the hard work and my Mom got all the Holidays. It killed me.

My mom bought us stuff for a couple of years and then gave up all together. Mostly I remember Christmas as a brown lunch sack of Halloween candy and 25 dollars to spend after Christmas. One year I even asked my Mom if she would just get something for us to open and she said that we had our candy and any way stuff is way cheaper after Christmas.

The last Christmas I spent with my Mom was in 1999. She had had Breast Cancer for six years and decided she wanted to die while we were there so that no one had to buy more plane tickets to come to her funeral (she was super frugal). She was sick and I wanted some of that magic back from when I was younger and I tried so hard. But it didn't happen. She passed away while we were there on New Years Day 2000. She was 41.

Now I look back on my Halloween candy as a fond memory. It wasn't the ideal american Christmas, but it was mine.

And now at least now my Daddy isn't alone for Christmas. He comes here and watches my kids experience the magic I once had.

I have learned some things over the years. What I have learned is life isn't perfect, and sometimes our best memories come from our hardest trials. That people are more important than stuff. That Christmas changes for us as we grow and the magic of Santa Clause for me has changed to the Miracle of the birth of our Savior. And understanding that changes EVERYTHING. I hope that we can remember that above all the tinsel and gifts.

Merry Christmas and a bag of Halloween candy to all and to all a good night!